Happy Thanksgiving.

Hebbel said “Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.”

I had passion; the desire to move forward, the urge to succeed, to be the best, at the top of my game and I used to work hard for it. I had aspiration, goals, dreams - a strong passion to try and want to achieve them. I succeeded to a certain degree; then, I grew up.

I became a realist.

I started to settle for less, and less, and less until today I no longer recognize myself. I am unmotivated, I feel lethargic and I no longer have opinion on anything. A stark contrast to the person I was at 18 - where I did things not because they needed to be done, but I wanted to do them. I used to follow the strict philosophy of so much to do, so little time. I tried to compact a lot of things on my to-do list - even with limited time.

Now I feel so distant, alienated from everything. I don't want to go to MIT anymore, I don't want to be a Straight A student anymore, reading's become a chore, my fingers ache out of instinct everytime I hold my guitar, my hand shakes when I sketch, and the constant mental diatribes at the quality of writing is too much. I can't handle them. I keep telling myself I'll get a fresh start. Make drastic changes to the quality of my life; but everything falls back to square one. Once I am back in that square, the inertia to want to change just disappears.

But because it's Thanksgiving today, and on Thanksgiving you be thankful, here's what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for having a family, having a mother, and a father I can turn to when I need help. I am thankful for having enough money to buy the next issue of Rolling Stone magazine without feeling the budget constraint in my pockets. I am thankful for having the luxury of choice on my meals, my choice of clothes, books that I buy, the general lifestyle I lead. I am thankful for having my parents' trust, the freedom to do what I want, when I want, however I want because my parents believe in me - to not screw up. These things seem intangible, incomparable to a good degree, good job, a big house, an expensive car, but they mean more to me than materialistic possession. Hell I am more thankful for the next breath I inhale, than I am of attending a good, reputable university and doing the course I have always wanted to do.

In life, I look for the small things. The intangibles that escapes everyone's radar, but when they are gone, their absence hits you hard. Things like the six o'clock knock on my door, by my father to wake me up, the ready-made coffee (and breakfast) that waits for me on the table. That assuring voice on the other end of the phoneline, telling me to calm down, convincing me that a dissatisfactory grade isn't the end of the world; that I can get back up, and fight...they mean more to me than anything materialism has to offer.

Briefly: Happy Thanksgiving. Be thankful for what you have, not what you desire. Sometimes you'll see you can make do with it just fine. Someone once said, You live only once, so live a good life (whose measure and worth should not exclusively be described by your bank statement)