This is the dilemma I encounter frequently.

Oh and this boy using the computer on my left at the computer stations in the library is wearing too much cologne. My nose itches.

Now back to more Hypothesis testing and Solow Model of Growth until 4p.m.

I should probably make a daily rant about how much I loathe the long breaks I have in between classes - of course studious people would welcome such gaps and fully utilize them to study, revise, write out notes. Yours truly missed the cut off percentage point, to access the studious strata, by several decimal places.

This must be mentioned too - since it is Real Madrid, and I did predict teardrops at the Bernabeu. Is it masochistic of me to say I thoroughly enjoyed the large volume of boos and jeers the players got from the crowd? Yes I enjoyed it. They were awful. Perhaps not entirely true; they started off well, but without flair, without creativity and from then on it descended into an air of resignation hanging over the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu. If I'm honest it is upsetting - because we were playing a Third division team (without taking away any credit from Alcorcon, who were fantastic in every aspect on both legs of the tie) and we had a packed Bernabeu. The Real Madrid boys broke more than 76,000 hearts; they left a permanent stain on Real Madrid's history, which, leads me back to an assertion I have been making since June: THIS IS NOT FIFA2010 ON YOUR PSP; GALACTICOS 2.0 IS NOT GOING TO WORK IN THE LONG RUN.

I hope we keep Pellegrini though; that man can do wonders, if he has the right players. By right, I do not mean skillwise, because we have already paid 200 million euros to cover that. We need the right combination of motivated, hardworking footballers who go out to prove to the world at large that they are indeed worth every penny paid for by the club. Like LASSANA DIARRA and GONZALO HIGUAIN. Period.

i promise to think of a good title later.

I just finished revising the basic fundamentals of the Solow Model of Growth. Of course the in-depth analysis (of how savings rate affect the economy, the instances when an economy starts off with too much or too little capital AND THE STUPIDLY LONG WINDED ENDOGENOUS GROWTH THEORY) remains to be covered. With finals less than a month away, I am reasonably satisfied with the amount of progress I am making. I am starting early; something I failed to do in my freshman year, leaving everything to the last minute and as a result my Grade Point Average suffered. It’s ironic that in this semester (of my Sophomore year), I am much more motivated to do well than I was the whole of my freshman year. There is a catch though – I have to work hard to be able to qualify for Honours. An economics degree without honours, in my view, is equivalent to not securing a Bachelors degree at all.

The top graduate schools (for Economics) are constantly on the look out for top scholars with near perfect GPA, tons of research/working/internship experiences in the field. To be able to stand a chance to compete, I need an Honours degree. I need a minimum of Second Upper Class which, at this point in time, looks like an impossible feat. I do regret the slack and absolute lack of discipline in my first year. My father puts it aptly, “You screw up your first year so badly, that you spend the rest of your time (at the institution) playing catch up.” This was exactly what had happened in Secondary School and Junior College. He feels it restricts my potential; puts a damper on it if I am desperately trying to get my grades up above average rather than striving for a near perfect GPA.

At this point I have to seriously consider the possibility of graduating with a B.Social Sci degree, get some work experience under my belt and then apply for Graduate school. Of course mathematically it is not out of bounds yet; but the tricky thing is that with every semester the modules aren’t getting easier.

However, I know I have the aptitude for it. The current module I am doing is a Level 3 module. I performed disastrously for its Level 2 equivalent. Logic dictates that Level 3 is inherently tougher than level 2. I am finding Level 3 a breeze; it has drawn plenty of gasps and odd facial expressions from my friends. Why? I asked myself. The answer is simple. This semester I have been a lot more disciplined. Living at home, as opposed to dorm, helped get my mindset into shape again. I am working hard again (not as hard as I would ideally like to, but this is baby steps towards the ammendment process), I have begun my revision early and I shouldn’t be here crafting this entry but my head is going to explode if I have to review another word from my Macroeconomic Analysis lecture note.

Speaking of Macro (as it shall be referred to from this point onward), why can’t the Professor follow the build up given in the textbook? (Mankiw, G, Macroeconomics, Sixth Edition) Makiw starts with the basic Production function, builds up the impact of Money supply in the economy, then International Trade, before introducing the Solow Model of Growth and finally the big picture of the IS-LM/AD-AS concepts. Reading the textbook makes more sense as opposed to my lecture notes. We started with the Solow Model, we hopped to Money and Banking, we did Consumption Theory and Investment and now we are doing IS-LM/AD-AS concept. Next we’ll be doing the merits (demerits) of the Short Run and Long Run macro policies and then end with Open Economy. Which means, International Trade – MY FAVOURITE DARLING MACRO TOPIC – has to wait right till the end of the semester, in exactly 3 weeks. Boo. Hiss. Throwing a tantrum.

I think I am going to take one day at a time. Do my revisions systemetically so that I am not at a loss before the final examinations. Whatever happens from thereafter, I am not going to waste my time worrying about it. Just yet.

If you still haven’t figured it out, this is a feel good/self motivational post. Because once in a while I need to tell myself that I am not going to screw things up. That I am not restrained by my past. I can do anything I want if I put my heart/mind/soul to it. And I will.

first drafts are shit...hemingway said so!

Creative Writing class is interesting and intellectually stimulating until you find yourself at the receiving end of the stick - by stick I mean constructive critcism (from henceforth, it shall be abbreviated to Concrit) on your work. Most authors, or to be precise, most amateur, unprofessional (not in the derogatory sense) authors fear the criticism more than the Soviets feared Stalin. It can make or break a writer's confidence, stimulate or wear out his/her writing muse. Which is why I think the way we word our concrit is imperative - it should be insightful and it should assist the writer to improve on his/her work. There should be plenty of positivity involved when critiquing someone's work. If you continuously say, "This is bad, I don't like this, the grammar here is atrocious, this character is shallow and I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with your protagonist," it reflects more on your personality than it does on the writer's. It highlights your personal insecurity on your writing than the person you are critiquing.

On the other hand, touching your critique with a handful of compliments (like, "I really like this line!" or "the wordplay here is excellent!") can boost the writer's confidence and inspire him/her to produce a fantastic work of art. It also provide a level of personal satisfaction, knowing your inputs helped someone to overcome their literary barriers and create something beautiful, something lyrical, something...you get the idea. My classmates (and Professor) were extremely helpful in phrasing the exact questions I had in mind about my own writing, and spoke it out loud. For my benefit. Whenever I write, I like to ask myself a barrage of questions - about the overall story, the individual characters and specific plot lines. As a writer you know the beginning, you know the middle, and you know the end - which puts a damper in asking these lists of questions. You end up censoring yourself. For example, if you wanted to know if your character comes across as someone sympathetic judging by a sequence of actions in the beginning of the story, your mind will be inclined to say yes if you know at the end he does something that is worthy of sympathy.

I enjoyed today's lesson thoroughly; I'm seeing my Professor tomorrow and we are going to go over the details and some additional bits of prose I wrote on my way home (Yes it takes me one and a half hours to get back home). Right now, I have no motivation to study, which, I hope will go back to the purgatory it came from and leave me, my guilt free mind at peace.