Having commenced my Sunday morning with a healthy doze of cartoons (on Nickelodeon; yes, I see the absurdity in the picture. I'm beyond my teenage years and my knowledge of contemporary Disney, Nickelodeon and to some extent Cartoon Network is probably more diverse, more reliable than yours), I went on to catch up with the happenings around the internet.
Then, I came across Neil Gaiman's (whom I religiously follow on Twitter) new journal post which led to the preceding post where he talks about his unwell cat as well as some minute kerfuffle from the feminists of the internets. (a.k.a self appointed internet police propagating gender equality [read: female superiority] since the beginning of time)
It sparked off with this post where he explains to a fan about the rules of entitlement regarding George R.R. Martin. Basically the crux of his lengthy explanation is that George R.R. Martin is not your bitch.
Of course you can imagine this being the internet, it sent more than a few knickers into a nasty twist.
But let us be honest: The use of "bitch" here is not merely a misogynist slur. To be someone's "bitch" is to be sexually subservient to hir, and the phrase is typically associated with nonconsensual sexual subservience, i.e. rape. (Specifically, it originates with prison rape.)
Source of LAWL
I'm not suggesting that rape isn't wrong - it is. And those who've suffered it, or who have suffered any form of physical abuse, misogynistic or otherwise, have my deepest sympathy. I will never defend rape. Or degrading a woman's dignity - physically or otherwise. So let me just set it straight, in bold fonts, before anyone else gets their panties in a twist. To me, rape is wrong. Degrading a woman's dignity is wrong. Holding chauvanistic and misogynist ideals in this modern era is a sign of sheer uncalculated stupidity.
BUT.
I fail to see what is so misogynistic or degrading about the phrase I am not your bitch. Yes, I agree, that a small portion of the reference can lead to the association with non-con sexual subservience and rape, but then we must ban the use of the word bitch entirely.
I find it to be gross double standards that when a woman says she isn't someone's bitch everyone applauds her liberalism; for standing up for herself. We view it as iconic, a testament to the progress of the modern woman in this generation. However, the second a man is found to have used the same phrase (albeit a POV switch), in a purely non-sexual context, he becomes a misogynist? That it insinuates making a travesty out of the seriousness of rape? DUDE SERIOUSLY?
The way our language has evolved today you can hear most English speaking twelve year olds with the word bitch and sometimes more insulting phrases readily available at the tip of their tongue. So are we to say they are potential misogynists we must take steps to rectify and set straight? That they are making a mockery out of the rape culture?
I use the word bitch very liberally; as does everyone else I know. After a bad day at school, I might come to complain that my teacher, who did nothing short of grinding my nose to the grindstone, is a bitch. Am I implying that she is sexually subservient to me? (The image is frightfully disturbing) Or does that make me a misogynist (though it might be physically impossible to reduce me to a careless, condescending misogynist - I'd require boobjobs. Not the kind you see most women getting for themselves.) My best friend and I freely address each other as bitches. I can tell her at a restaurant in the middle of our meal that, "Dude you are such a bitch!!!" or I can start a Skype conversation with "Hey bitch! What's going on?" I've made very casual posts on forums and journals where I've called so and so (most famous people) a bitch for doing something that wasn't to my liking. I know I'm not entitled to how they carry themselves in public, but if I disagree with something they've done, I'll tell how I see it. No one, not even on the internet has accused me of being insensitive to women with my remarks - because I'm a woman and by default spared any and all misogynistic accusations?
Perhaps if bitch sends everyone's knickers in a twist, we need an entirely new nomenclature that puts forward the same set of intentions and feelings, but that won't drive every other person to cry Misogyny or Chauvanism at their utterance.
I read Neil Gaiman's post (see link above) and from what I understood of it, a misogynist slur did not even cross his mind when he was explaining about fan entitlement to a fan who had written in. (By the way, you should read it: the way he breaks the traditional delusion that writers OWE us is frighteningly awesome) The comments at Shakesville makes me wonder if people actually know the difference between genuine feminist concerns and stirring up pointless shit in the name of feminism. It no longer remains a wonder that feminists are branded with a big LAWL like Hester Pyne on their foreheads.
Having said that, here a few things I feel I need to reiterate. Rape is intrinsically bad, and rapists should face the toughest punishment the law can impose on them. To rid a woman (or sometimes a man) of his dignity by forcing her/him into sexual acts, violating their personal space is wrong. Being a chauvinistic pig towards women is wrong too. Using the word bitch in a purely non-misogynist way however is NOT WRONG. Perhaps Neil Gaiman should've exercised a better choice of word; given his popularity, and given the existence of people whose sole purpose in life is to stretch a seemingly harmless comment into ground breaking proportions. Perhaps he should've just stuck to George R. R. Martin is not working for you. throughout the entry.
But my respect for Neil Gaiman still holds (unless he really is a misogynist, which I'm sure he isn't) and I find myself snickering at the general out of proportion perception of his remark.
I have more things to say about rape culture and misogyny in the 21st century; but I'll save that for the next post which, hopefully, shall be composed in a calmer state of mind.
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